Unfortunately I haven't kept up here as I said I wanted too, but I'm back today and I'm not really sure why it's such a big deal anyway. Why put so much pressure on myself? Anyway, there's a lot on my mind right now, and I'm really not even sure where to start.
At this moment I'm feeling pretty down and alone and overwhelmed by a busy work week and traveling this coming weekend and just lots of things that have required my attention. I don't deal well when life gets too complicated. Some would probably think I do almost nothing and how could I be so overwhelmed with just one child to care for? It probably is me, my personality, I just can't seem to juggle too many things at once. I'm trying to hang in there, but when it gets to be too much I just shut down and then nothing gets done. I always have to take it to the extreme, when will I learn to balance things better? And what about this post, I don't even know what I'm talking about. My brain is all over the place. I feel like an idiot. Argh!
So, we're sitting around waiting for the courts to decide about Noah and whether or not our rights will be terminated so he can be adopted by another family. I still can't believe it has come to that. NO MATTER WHAT I feel like a miserable failure. It saddens me to the depths of my soul that I have let him down.
And Tara...is she really married? Am I really a MIL? I may never really know if she chooses to never have contact with us again. Another sad situation that I have failed miserably.
Well, this really isn't getting me anywhere. I guess I'm going back to sitting here and hiding from the world. Better yet I think I'll go to bed.
