So the last couple of days I've taken a couple more steps towards the goals I've made for myself. I made a couple of healthy meal choices, not all, but a couple. I deleted a game from my FB that has taken too much of my time from me, along with a couple other changes on FB that I felt were important to my success. I did not get to walk yet, but I've definitely been doing some serious thinking about it, my schedule has just not allowed for it yet. I'm here blogging again, something I also hope to keep up. I took my medicine everyday and completed my charting more fully. So I think I'm off to a pretty good start, considering the lack of sleep I had at the beginning of the week and other stressful events at work and home.
Otherwise this morning I'm pretty anxious and worried about the meeting today at Edgewood. We haven't been talking to Tara after she mailed me letters. I've been traumatized by her so much already, I'm just not willing to allow her in again to hurt me more. I've suffered a great deal of pain from her, which of course I have allowed, but she is very sick and lived a long traumatic life herself, and I do understand why, it just doesn't make it any easier to cope with. I'm still having nightmares and I still worry and think about it all a lot. She made me feel completely inadequate as a parent and that caused more than one incidence of severe depression in me. I have to be able to be strong for Noah as a Mom and to Walter as a Wife and a friend to many others. I cannot live my life trying to please her and give her what will never be enough.
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