Either way it's sad

Trying to make the most of today...should be doing that everyday I suppose. Another hearing about Noah is tomorrow. It's absolutely so incredibly bittersweet. It breaks my heart that things have turned out this way. Our happiness with Sophie has resulted in so much sadness for Noah. Of course life was never perfect with him and maybe this was bound to happen with or without Sophie coming into our lives, but still I hate how it's all turned out. Nevermind the stupid crap with the social worker and the state, just losing our child...again...is a very difficult process. I did not enjoy packing up Noah's things and handing them over to the social worker...no matter how many times he hurt us, it was still very hard to let it go. And I will enjoy even less the hearing tomorrow morning. Of course we don't know exactly what will happen, but nothing good will come out of it. Either they side with us and we lose custody and pay child support and have no more contact with Noah or they side for the state and we drag it out longer through the courts and a contested hearing...only to result in losing custody or refusing custody and being charged with child neglect. It all sounds so horrible to actually say it. We'll see what tomorrow brings.