Finding myself again

Well at least I didn't wait a year this time to post again. I'm completely exhausted and may not make perfect sense so forgive me if I get off track or whatever. I just don't feel like going to bed yet and since there's really nothing going on this weekend I think I'm allowed to stay up as late as I want. I feel like I'm babbling...hmmm...I wonder why?

I went back and read all my blog posts...wow, so negative and brought back a lot of thoughts and feelings. I also noticed that I tend to ask a lot of questions. I guess to try and work out answers for myself.

So Sophie was only 3 months old the last time I posted. She's now 9.5 months old and still such a ray of sunshine. She has her moments...the little drama queen, but she's a happy girl most of the time and she sleeps great and has been eating like a champ. I've managed to breastfeed this long and have even been making most of her food. Both huge accomplishments for me...someone who can't stick with anything...ever. Anything for my baby girl though, she brings that out in me.

Tara has returned to Missouri and is still here as far as we know. She's made contact with Walter, but pretty much just asked questions about her insurance and lack there of. Who knows who she's been staying with or what she's been doing. I hate that she's not safe and that I'm powerless to do anything about it, but it's really always been that way with her. She's never really allowed me to be a part of her life...a real part.

Noah has just recently been transferred from MG residential to a MG TFH. So far he's done okay and as expected. Who knows if he'll be able to handle it long term or what will happen ultimately with him. CD was at the house last night and she was NOT nice. She made a statement that they didn't want Noah to be somewhere that he wasn't wanted and wouldn't be taken care of. OMG! We have never neglected that child, or any child for that matter. We don't hate our children and we would never deprive them, but I can't allow for any of them to be in danger and risk one of them doing something they would regret for the rest of their lives. Ugh! We've already had one hearing, but it was really a waste of time, and our next hearing is scheduled for Monday in 3 days. The attorney says he feels they have enough evidence that it would not be safe for Noah to return to our home and that we cannot meet his mental health needs. He said we will just have to wait and see and if the court does not agree then we will move on to a contested hearing. I know nothing about this, but that's what he said. I just want to get this weekend over with so we can get the hearing over with. It's so scary worrying about it, there's just so many what ifs.

I should talk more about Sophie, but I guess I'll just have to hope that I keep this up for myself and not wait another 7 months or a year to write again. I love my baby...more than I ever knew was possible. She makes me a better person and makes me want to do everything for her.