Trying to be strong

I don't even know what I want to say really, but I've got 20 minutes at work before I go to see a client and I just don't feel like working. I slept like crap again last night, just restless and not comfortable. I walked with Janet and did 4 miles, which is great, I just have to keep doing it. I'm not doing the Cardio Kickboxing, I've just been in too much pain in my neck and shoulders and I can't take much more. I've taken a lot of Ibuprofen the last couple of weeks and it's got to get better, so just walking for now.

Tara called again last night. She says she's working and relaxing and not doing much and there was a conflict, but she handles it maturely and a girl left so it's been quiet and that was about it. We must seem so cold and hateful to people that talk to her and don't understand the truth. She comes across so harmless and "all better now." We know it's not true, she's more stable because we're not in her life and because she has supervision and staff that can enforce rules and boundaries. We'll see what happens tomorrow and thereafter, but Walter was very negative last night and said he didn't even think going to the attorney would help. I'm sorry, but she's not coming back in our home. I've said it before and I'll say it again, it's not happening, and if they want a battle then that's what they're going to get and we'll drag it out and she'll turn 18 and we don't have to have her in our lives at all. I've tried being nice, but obviously that doesn't work so I can be just as mean and ugly as Tara and everyone has been to us.

TTC update, another negative opk yesterday and my temp jumped up this morning so I'm assuming I already O'd or I'm not going to O or it was weak or early or whatever. It doesn't matter because we're not trying this month. I just don't have the desire to put forth the effort. I have enough things to worry about and don't need Progesterone supplements adding to my hunger and emotions.

Noah has been acting up on the bus so he got to sit in his room all evening last night. We didn't even bother with talking to him about it or lecturing or anything. Walter tried in the truck on the way home and as usual Noah had only excuses and blamed everyone else. So, before he went to bed Walter simply said something to him about behaving on the bus, implying to avoid sitting in his room. Maybe it will work, cause yelling and all the negative attention still gives him the attention he wants, so maybe just ignoring it and not stressing ourselves out will help us all.

Okay, that's it, I have to drive in the rain to see a client now, at least I'm getting out of the office, but I wish the weather was nicer.